Monday, October 19, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Udall Motivates Team
Coach Udall motivates his football team, "Todd Freebone," the greatest hockey team in the world.
BOISE--Tired of weeks of losing, Coach Udall of the so-called "Todd Freebone" fantasy team, prepared a passionate pre-game speech for his players on Sunday.
"I thought maybe we were losing focus a little," Udall explained, "so I stayed up all Saturday night, trying to think of the right words to really remind the guys what's important."
The speech was captured on film and obtained by the Associated Press and can be seen above. In it, Udall tells his players they were "born to be hockey players." Some viewed this as a veiled insult aimed at his major disappointment: Stephen Jackson.
"To be honest," said quarterback and team captain Brett Favre, "it was a little confusing. He kept talking about hockey and the Soviet Union. It was almost like he didn't know where he was."
"Also," Favre added, "I swear I've heard what he said somewhere before."
"Nonsense," Udall answered. "Those were my own thoughts, and I resent the implication."
In any case, the effort seems to have backfired, as his team went out and posted their worst numbers of the season, falling easily to the mighty Spam Forwarders, greatest team in the history of professional sports.
Associated Press
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
On Winning: A Counterpoint to 'On Losing,' in the First Person"
On Losing: A Personal Essay
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Ban the Third Person
A sadified week is was for these Snotbubbles, these scourged yet resilient power packets of mucous, these transluscent green domes of explosive power, these spawning grounds for the heralded snot-rockets. It appears that one week of underacheivery will not a season make, and Snotbubbles is certain that one day, Houshmandzadehnteit (bless his holy name and peace be upon him) will rise with great vengeance and furious anger against Caka Spahn. It has been written. Week 12. Watch out Caka Spahn.
Snotbubbles will now return to a normal level of humbilitizing and wish luck to all those revelizing in his momentary, week 3 setback. The Brees will blow again with force, metaphorizing in multiple, conflicting layers of Snotbubbilitude. And Snotbubbles will not step down to the insulting level that "McNair's Mistress" has already achieved with its blatant disrespect for our fallen brother.
And someday, Someday Fast Willie Parker will rise up in all his glory, hamstringititis and turfity toeyness be damned!