Chaka Khan to the rest of the league -- "We win baby, Chaka Khan doesn't discriminate."

From a hall of fame music career to fantasy sports ownership, it's clear that Chaka Khan's mouth with remain wide open.  Recent comments by Matt Crosby -- owner and coach of the Spam Forwarders -- have quote, "lit a fire," under Chaka Khan's ass.

"That's right, he's gone and lit a fire right under my ass sayin what he said."

These were the words of Chaka Khan after reading quotes from Matt Crosby, who claims to have lost on purpose to Amanda Bennett's team out of the goodness of his heart.  At first glance they seem harmless, but to a Chaka Khan team heading into a match-up of undefeateds against Bennett, Crosby's remarks were not too welcome.  The interview was surreal, and the feeling was something a reporter might experience when interviewing a pulverizing figure like Mike Tyson, never knowing what to expect.  Once we arrived at the Chaka Khan estate we were allowed no further than the front lawn, as Chaka Khan's superstitions had her yelling from her second floor bathroom window.

"Don't you walk any further!  We're 3-0 baby and I won't have you walking up into my house and messin up my groove."

Needless to say, the interview proceeded with reporters on the front lawn and Chaka Khan answering questions from the bathroom window.   At times during the chaotic interview, Chaka Khan appeared to be so far beside herself due to Crosby's remarks that she became somewhat nonsensical.

"Listen, when I see a door I'm goin through it first not thinkin about anybody but Chaka Khan.  Get that chivalry out of my face!  Get it out of my face!  We win baby, Chaka Khan!"

When asked about the teams close game with the lowly Dozers, and whether or not the team underperformed, Chaka Khan was dismissive, and continued to steer the interview back toward Matt Crosby and the Spam Forwarders.

"Caught The Dozers dozin, that's what.  Why try your hardest when you don't have to, and that's all I have to say about that.  And you can go tell that Crosby that I'll forward some spam right up in his chivalric face!  Man, woman, transexual, we win baby, Chaka Khan doesn't discriminate."

When asked about the team's performance against Snotbubbles III, Chaka Khan didn't hesitate.

"You saw what happened, no need to ask about it.  Snotbubbles just got his nose wiped, that's what."

The interview spiraled from there into more nonsensical jabs at Crosby, The Spam Forwarders, and their chivalry, before Chaka Khan unexpectedly cried out, "Chaka Khan!  We just win baby!" and then slammed the window shut.

However chaotic, however misguided or misunderstood, Chaka Khan has sent a message to the league.  And while other teams may toil away, victims of their own moral values, all Chaka Khan will do is continue to win.

Chaka Khan!

Dozering Over The Competition, One Set of Steak Knives at a Time

BOISE-- This probably goes without saying, but MuffMan1977 has a lot to say about ethics.

A member of the Fantasy Football Alliance, Amanda 3-0 Bennet(t) recently received a text message asking if she would be interested in acquiring TE Antonio Gates for TE Kellen Winslow. 3-0, knowing MuffMan to be wily, began to investigate. When asked about MuffMan's character, an anonymous writer said, "I don't know him very well. I would say he was forgetful more than anything. He was always leaving work on the printer."

Muffman, upon being asked about his interest in Winslow, said, "I'm doing you a favor by offering a favor. You have no tight ends."

Muffman, bestower of favors, Muffman, most benevolent of them all.


Off the record, MuffMan had more to say."Plus," he added, " "Kellen fills out his uniform nicely."








Why was Muffman so concerned about his tight end? Wasn't he more concerned about the whereabouts of NumberThreePick Darren Sproles? After some waterboarding, some interesting new information came to light. "I don't want [Winslow]. I can't cut gates. I need someone I can cut."

Muffman, shepherd of 3-0's hopes, dreams and fantasy football aspirations, cannot (incidentally. INCIDENTALLY) cut Antonio Gates. 3-0 pointed out, quite rightly, that Muffman apparently did have something to gain from the situation. Muffman responded, "We're helping each other, which is the point of a trade. Win win. It's fine, I'll keep Gates, you keep Winslow."

3-0, sensing a crisis situation, tried to assauge Muffman by telling him to propose the trade anyway. "Too late," he texted. "Winslow will be good for you." See also: "I gave you a chance. you tried to spin it so that you were doing me a favor for giving you a good tight end for your really bad tight end." Notice Muffman turning on dreamboat Kellen Winslow and on his friend and protectee, 3-0.

This, from the very same person who claimed that using any sort of handout with projected fantasy statistics is cheating. In fact, The Muffman argued that using projected stats (and perhaps the internet in general?) is "essentially the same thing"as using a word engine in online scrabble.

How will this situation play out? To be determined. According to Muffman, "There are eight other managers, someone else will want him." Alas, will these cheaters want him? What if these cheaters all refused to trade for Gates, thus destining him Muffman's tightend forever?

And what about 3-0? She feared Muffman would be icy forever.

But of course, there's always more snake oil to sell.

"Do you have any running backs you are willing to trade for Antonio Gates?" -Muffman, circa five minutes ago.

Matt Crosby is a Gentleman

Matt Crosby, a very classy fellow, speaks to reporters after Monday's game.

BOISE--In a truly magnanimous act, Coach Matt Crosby of the Spam Forwarders--one of the most storied programs in BSU MFA league history--took the unprecedented step this week of sitting all of his good players and leaving in only those who were least likely to produce any points. This was, he explained, because his opponent, Amanda Bennet, was a woman.

"Call me old-fashioned," said Crosby, "but there are more important things than winning."

Crosby's commitment to old school class was best exemplified by his decision to start Frank Gore and Santonio Holmes, two of the biggest donkeys ever to put on football helmets, who managed to combine for a whopping 2.2 points, and thus ensure the Spammers defeat.

"I was particularly pleased with Holmes' performance," said Crosby. "I mean, he's averaged like 14 points the last two weeks, so you might think it would be hard for him to tone it down, but I just pulled him aside in the locker room and said, 'Antonio, go out there and stick your head as far up your own ass as you possibly can. The further the better.' And he really came through for us."

Meanwhile, literally every player on Crosby's bench scored over ten.

"Look," Crosby explained, "when I'm setting my lineup, I'm not just thinking about the game. I'm thinking about all those kids out there watching, looking to me as a role model."

He added, "I'm trying to bring some dignity and sportsmanship to this league. If that means I lose every game, so be it. I have to go home and look my kids in the eyes, you know?"

Commentators were quick to point out the deep ramifications of Crosby's chivalry, since Amanda's well known fragile constitution probably couldn't have handled a loss. No word on whether other teams plan to follow suit when facing Bennet.

Associated Press