Matt Crosby is a Gentleman

Matt Crosby, a very classy fellow, speaks to reporters after Monday's game.

BOISE--In a truly magnanimous act, Coach Matt Crosby of the Spam Forwarders--one of the most storied programs in BSU MFA league history--took the unprecedented step this week of sitting all of his good players and leaving in only those who were least likely to produce any points. This was, he explained, because his opponent, Amanda Bennet, was a woman.

"Call me old-fashioned," said Crosby, "but there are more important things than winning."

Crosby's commitment to old school class was best exemplified by his decision to start Frank Gore and Santonio Holmes, two of the biggest donkeys ever to put on football helmets, who managed to combine for a whopping 2.2 points, and thus ensure the Spammers defeat.

"I was particularly pleased with Holmes' performance," said Crosby. "I mean, he's averaged like 14 points the last two weeks, so you might think it would be hard for him to tone it down, but I just pulled him aside in the locker room and said, 'Antonio, go out there and stick your head as far up your own ass as you possibly can. The further the better.' And he really came through for us."

Meanwhile, literally every player on Crosby's bench scored over ten.

"Look," Crosby explained, "when I'm setting my lineup, I'm not just thinking about the game. I'm thinking about all those kids out there watching, looking to me as a role model."

He added, "I'm trying to bring some dignity and sportsmanship to this league. If that means I lose every game, so be it. I have to go home and look my kids in the eyes, you know?"

Commentators were quick to point out the deep ramifications of Crosby's chivalry, since Amanda's well known fragile constitution probably couldn't have handled a loss. No word on whether other teams plan to follow suit when facing Bennet.

Associated Press